Her Imaginary Friends...

SHE TOLD HERSELF

"I can't say whether anything I have said will ever be what anyone would like to hear!"

It was the influence of one the more disappointing aspects of her personality, wrapped up in emotional wiring, too deep to get to or change.

She didn't understood how she wound people up, whatever was said.

POCKETS OF RESENTMENT.

Trying to explain the idea of feeling distance between the body and soul.

There was something cold, and dark surrounding her down there. On planet earth.

Living in a body that operated in what she felt were souless ways, whether she liked it or not. How did you describe it?

She wouldn't say she enjoyed being human, but could say she needed to understand being human meant, living a fixed and solid experience.

That seemed abnormal to her, when she felt that all people had souls. She recognised the soul as tied to spiritual 'ideas' within religion, but not outside it.

It seemed she resided in a body in which she felt at odds with in a material world. A public eye with a short list of labels identified her as a number of stereotypes.

If she were different in appearance, she would probably still feel that distance between her body and her soul.

She recognised that she felt alien, alienated. Like the odd one out.

CRAVING FRESH FOOD

She told herself that no matter how delicious, artistically creative, or technically impressive it looked 'a meal was simply food that had been played with' and sold to her as a concept to make her pay for her desire at any cost.

It all seemed dull and unappetizing when you saw food for what it really was.

PSYCHED OUT BY A PSYCH.

"The Psychiatric consultant wrote a few quick lines, he did not want to be seen,and said nothing."

"Did he see anything? ...a moody old crocodile, lurking and ready to snap? Did he see, the complexity of memory, people, phantoms, ghosts, voices and feelings that seemed to stretch back like a giant chain from the past to the present. Present every moment, buzzing invisibly around her head? Did he see her Imaginary Friends?"

"Her Imaginary Friends took things in, yet found it difficult to discern whether anything mattered, or held any truth "

"Embrace what you love, and move on...he'd said, with effort and anxiety. She wondered what lay behind his discomfort." She was concerned and nosy...

"Positive or negative. She was sure, that irony lay comfortably within absolutely everything..."

"...ram'shackle, an organisation of the mind, that seemed disorganised to anyone else".

"Everything required balance. Some voice inside believed ."

"She'd spend 50% of time with others, the other 50% sorting her 'self' out. 50% or nothing worked. Her Imaginary Friends demaned the attention."

"...Her Friends tempted her to abandon life, encouraged her to impersonate - anyone who existed..."

"Being an Imaginary Friend was not enough for the Imaginary Friends. They participated in her life"

"She was 'old fashioned', in thought, but strangely, and naively asonstonished how none of any of the Imaginary Friends objected to how stark the misguided actions were, or what the concequences might be".

"Not all the Friends agreed that they could just go on without rectifying painful problems - fairly"

"I'm always late, you'll have to wait..She saw that they were rude and abrupt."

"Surprised, she'd felt 'touched' by something, someone! During moments like these, she would look to up, to some God, feeling, these are good feelings. They feel like a positive hit of good shared energy. Inspite of how badly she saw herself, someone some how, liked her anyway."

"Addressing God, she'd say "Thanks for the hits, c'mon, hit me again!"

"She could handle the relief - from bad feelings' 'Inspiration' was something simple and easy to pass on..."

"In a different frame of mind she'd consider these thoughts mad."

"Yup, they were bad words, but.....sometimes she just wanted to say FUCK IT!"

"...Hmm 'opinionated'. Her Imaginary Friend, sensed the psychiatrist silently figure out problems, 'a male influence, had impacted upon this clients behaviour, a woman who is negative and masculinely inclined'..."

"Her Imaginary Friend backed away. Backed down to avoid trouble, the desire to play sarcastic games with the man. She wanted to get away from his analysis. She did not want to be seen, as an Imaginary Friend".

"She was deadly serious, yet tongue in cheek...."

"Her strange 'take' on culture, caused her bloodymindedness."